Title: Converse Mirror
Author: Feygan
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Sorority Boys
Pairings: Adam/Adina
Warning: mentions child abuse, language
Disclaimer: I don’t own the character(s) and don’t claim to. I’ve only borrowed them for the moment and completely plan on giving them back when I'm done.
LiveJournal: http://feygan.livejournal.com
Contact: feygan@gmail.com
Home: http://www.darkgesture.com/fanfiction.htm

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Gazing into the mirror, the House quiet around him, he let his eyes fall half shut and sleepy.

In his own skin he was a man, but what he saw in the mirror was the most beautiful girl in the world. He really didn’t think her butt was too big, not like some people had said. She was beautiful, tempting him to reach out and touch her silky smooth skin, to run his hand down her stomach and between her legs. Her lips wanted to be kissed, her tongue sucked. But he was always trapped here on the other side of the mirror, lusting after the unattainable girl.

The lights were turned down low and there was no one here to watch him. He had the room all to himself and he was glad of it. He didn’t need an audience for his little show. He knew his mind had cracked around him, and he didn’t care as long as no one else ever knew.

"You’re beautiful," he whispered, just for her.

She smiled at him sweetly, a little blush shading her milk-pale skin. God she was gorgeous--all innocent sex and lusty dreams.

He wanted to slip the girly cotton panties down her hips and burrow his fingers through the curls between her legs and caress the moist satin heat of her delicate sex, to part the lips and pet what was inside, but he knew he couldn’t. She was the untouched, the unattainable purity, while he had drowned himself for years in sex, staining himself past redemption.

He had stuck his cock in places only beer had let him go. The Polaroids on his Wall of Shame were only the tip of the iceberg, a shadow of all the girls he’d fucked. Adina deserved better than he could ever offer.

Adam had had his first brush with sex when he was six years old and a curious teenaged babysitter had laid him down on the couch and stripped off his pajama bottoms. He could still remember the touch of her hands across his skin and her fingers pinching him, pulling at him. There had almost been a look of clinical interest on her face as she’d touched him, hurting him a little and not caring. He hadn’t cared either, not when she offered him ice cream as a reward for keeping quiet.

It was as though she had laid a mark against his skin, some invisible invitation for anyone with the eyes to see. The predators had circled him after that, drawn to a delicate boned child, a slender teenager, and a man that denied everything that had ever happened.

He was nine when his uncle fucked him for the first time, nine and small for his age. He had cried and bled, but had never blamed anyone but himself. It was the look in his eyes that had tempted his uncle past all reason, something in the way that he’d walked and talked, something about him that had made such a wonderful man do such a horrible thing. It was his fault he was dirty.

When he was thirteen a gang of boys had backed him into the locker room and laughed as they hurt him. The bench had dug hard into his stomach and he’d wanted to scream, but there were hands over his mouth, muffling him, suffocating him when they’d pressed against his nose. After the second boy had had his way with him, Adam had stopped fighting, had just drifted there somewhere in his own head, paying no attention to what happened to his body.

He came back to himself an hour later, curled up in a corner of the shower alone, icy water pouring down on him, making him shiver. He’d pulled on his clothes and left school, limping home with blood still seeping between his legs. He could only be relieved that his parents were gone as usual, too busy with their own lives to ask stupid questions.

He became the victim of anyone that wanted him. He’d traded sex for favors. He’d laid back and let boys he barely knew jam their cocks into his ass for homework papers, term papers, car rides and gifts. He was the perfect whore, his flesh an open door for anyone to pass through, and none of it touched him deep inside where Adam lived.

Everything changed when he got to college. He built up a new life for himself. He became harder, colder, the predator with women as his prey. He still drowned himself in sex, only now he wasn’t the whore, the women around him were.

To drive his cock into a willing cunt was a wonderful thing, he found. Warm and wet and welcoming, and he never had to be the one with the pain grinding deep into his ass. He was the master in the bed and he didn’t have to lay back and take it from anyone.

Only now did he regret everything that he had ever done, gazing at Adina, watching her smile at him, flutter her lashes, so innocent that it almost hurt to look right at her. She was everything he had ever dreamed about, the perfect girl, and he could never have her, because he was filthy, dirty in unspeakable ways.

When that little shit had drugged Adina and tried to rape her, Adam had raged deep inside because there was nothing he could do.

Later he had laughed off the whole incident, but it still made him angry when they were alone. He had apologized to Adina for hours and days, promising that no one would ever hurt her, touch her, make her dirty like him.

Gazing into the mirror, he gave his sweet love a smile, liking the way she brightened up under his attention. She was so damn beautiful, and he was dirty and could never have her. But at least he could protect her from all of the ugliness in the world. He could keep her safe and her world clean.

Adam reached out a hand toward Adina, but dropped his arm before their fingers could quite touch.

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=THE END=

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